Love Thursday-Love the 20 year old You

This is a love letter to who I was and how my past makes me who I am and who I will be. "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you going to love somebody else?"' Ru Paul

Self,

It’s me fifteen years from now and Girl, I have some stuff to tell you. This year is HARD. Like rock your world hard. Not academically. Thank God. The only mistake you ever made academically was taking Russian. Let us not speak of that again. No. This year goes down as one of the worst because someone very close to you dies very unexpectedly. There is no one to blame and you will spend the better part of 2 years processing things. It’s OK. You need to ask those questions. You need to make this journey. Believe it or not, you actually emerge stronger and with a better sense of your faith than before. I have to tell you, you never forget. In fact, you make good on your promise and one of your children is named for her. The only piece of advice that will make any difference is to ask for help. You’ll need it. You’ll need friends too. Those people you think are your friends, they are not. They are mean girls and always will be. I wish I could say to cut them out of your life. But, what you go through with those girls will teach you very valuable lessons. By the time you reach your final semester of college, you are a very good judge of character and 9.9 times out of 10 you are 100% right. It’s a hard-learned lesson.

Try to relax. You spend a lot of time obsessing about things. One issue that takes up a lot of your energy is love and romance. You feel deep down that you are not going to find “the one” in college. And, you’re right. But he does show up. In a most unexpected place. In fact, to this day, I’m quite sure you are the only two people to have met in that place and gotten married. Yes, you’re married. It all works out. And sweetie, you both “just know” immediately. So, stop wishing it would happen and just enjoy. But, not that guy. The one you go out with because he sort of fit the list? Yeah, he screws you up for a loooong time in a very dangerous way. That teaches you something too. But it’s a lesson I wish you never had to learn. When you have questions about a guy and get a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, that’s intuition Honey and its telling you to get the hell out. You make that last mistake in law school too. Oh yeah, that works out. Stop worrying so much. Geez. You are like a world class worrier! Good call on those two classes that are supposed to prep you for law school. They do. But, extremely bad call on registering for Economics. Your College Career Counselor is wrong YOU do NOT need that for law school and it stresses you way the heck out. Take a photography class instead. You love art and it would be quite useful later on.

Be easier on you. You expect so much of yourself. Too much. Nobody is that perfect and you shouldn’t try to be. You manage to make the right decisions most of the time, even if most people would take the other road.

Good call on all the involvement with collegiate athletes. It’s one of the best parts of being at Texas. As a result, you know a ton of Olympians and NFL stars. That never ceases to be cool. Hang out more with the athletes. The frat guys are a dime a dozen, but the Olympians are where your stories are at…trust me. There’s a time when you can’t take all the defeat anymore. Stay strong, the Horns manage to pull it out in a few years and you will want to be around for those games. But, when someone offers you tickets to see the 2001 Big 12 Championship game in Irving say NO. I know the tickets are cheap and you’ll go with a great friend. But, trust me. Chris Simms hands the game to Colorado and it takes you years to recover. Years. And, you’re still bitter about it. So yes, Chris Simms is as big a douche as you think he is.

Get ready self, once you get through this year, things really start looking up. Just take it a little easier on the night of your 21st birthday. You end up taking way too many shots and the result is. Not. Good. Take a few more risks in your clothing. Your body will never look better. Start buying clothes that fit-really. You are tiny and you don't need to hide it. You are so confident in most areas of your life except your body, it's yours, learn to love it. But, don’t cut your hair. I know you are tempted. However, super short is not a good look on you. Trust me. Oh well, you’ll have to learn that lesson the hard way. Another hard lesson- when you are tempted to (rightly) tell your in-laws that they are being selfish ass-holes, send them the edited version of that letter. The one page you write does enough damage. On the up side, you never have to see those people again. Yes, they are completely selfish a-holes and you end up hating them for how they treat your husband. In this case your first impression of them is completely wrong. That lesson sucks for how much pain it causes your husband. Stock up on wine around the time your second daughter is born, you'll need it.

In general, drink more water, eat more vegetables, stop spending money on cheap things and always buy for quality. Also, buy some Apple and Starbucks stock, that'd be great.

Kisses,
you +15 years, a husband, 2 kids, and a couple degrees

Part of Joanna's Blog Hop and Love Thursday, inspired by Cassie Boorn.